i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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