I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
