see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
