I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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