2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
