Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
