he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
