Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i came on her dog
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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