Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Randomize
