Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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