I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize
