It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
