My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
