i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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