is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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