Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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