my sisters under your porch take her home
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
