I think I just saw someone hide a body.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
