i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
