I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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