I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
