eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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