I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
