apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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