I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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