He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
