i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
