i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
