we're blogging at a bar
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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