What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
