all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
