arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
