this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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