Walk of Shame. In a state park.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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