She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
