you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
