I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
