I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
