There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
