wrigley field is MILF paradise
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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