Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
