Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
