Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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