Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
