I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
