does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
