hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
