Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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