when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
