Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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