She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
