Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
